From McSweeney's today:
"The 4-Year-Old on a Blind Date."
An excerpt:
7:43 p.m. Arrive at restaurant. Get haughty with waiter for not offering booster seat quickly enough. Order drinks: a highball and a hot chocolate. Ask incredulously, "You ordered an eyeball?"
8:02 p.m. Conversation starter "I like puddles" goes nowhere. Crawl under table.

Go read now.