Paradise Lost

We're back from Florida. Here's a brief rundown of the vacation:

• Burned bits: Sunscreen is wasted on me. I burn no matter what. And I burn in odd little places like the tiny part of my scalp that is exposed by my part and the tops of my feet where my flip flops rubbed off my sunscreen (leaving stupid-looking Chevron shapes on my feet). Jesse's back burned on day two, but not badly. And we kept him well covered on Thursday so he came home in good shape.

• Directionally challenged: If we were in the car, we were lost. It started the minute we drove the rental car out of the parking garage. My brief glance at an atlas before we left Tennessee led me to think that we'd get on I-4 in Orlando, drive east to Daytona and then south on I-95 to New Smyrna. Except that there were no signs pointing me to I-4 around the airport. We asked for directions and were told to get on I-528 instead (the Beachline). And that went well enough but when we hit I-95, I had no idea where we were. I was still in the "go South to New Smyrna" mindset, and we almost ended up in Cocoa Beach. Other times we go lost: On the way to Sea World (that one was a doozy), on the way to a movie theater, on the way back to Orlando on our last day, etc., etc.

• Sea monkey: Once Jesse figured out that he was sharing the ocean with other living creatures, he wouldn't go near the water again. He was totally freaked out by the sea critters.

• Nice digs: The condo was great. We bought groceries the first night and ate breakfast and lunch at the condo. We had a great kitchen area and a washer and dryer. The balcony was fabulous. The beach was quiet. The bed was soooo comfortable.

• Ms. Gimpy: Mom twisted her ankle on Saturday, two days before we were supposed to leave, and it stayed swollen all week. But that didn't stop her from lugging luggage around and hoofing it around Sea World for 10 hours. But in my professional opinion as a professional know it all, that ankle should not have still been swollen a week later, and I told her that I thought she had fractured it. She got it X-rayed today. It's fractured. The doctor couldn't believe she'd been walking on it for a week.

• Shamu who? The highlight of Sea World was getting to "Dine with Shamu." The staff sets up a buffet in the backstage area of the killer whale exhibit and you get a behind the scenes (and up close) look at the whales and the trainers. This is where we learned that none of the whales are actually Shamu. We met the senior whale who "plays" Shamu in the Shamu show "Believe." I just accidentally typed Sham show, which is actually pretty fitting. But Fauxmu put on a nice little show for us, and it was cool getting to see him up close. The downside of Sea World: The hot, sweaty, stinky mass of people we were crammed up against in the park. Yuck.

And now, pictures: